It's time for the party...

Today is my daughter's Birthday party. Usually, being close to the Christmas holiday, there is a good number of kids that cannot come due to other obligations. But this year, we have seventeen kids who are attending. SEVENTEEN!!! Any advice, other than earplugs and Jack Daniels?

The most important item for the day is to make sure we have a nice, big sign on the parrot cage informing all of the guests that he bites. That bird is a terror, and has bloodied me numerous times. With my wife, it's like a dog - it comes to her, snuggles up to her, and lets her pet it while it "purrs." With everyone else, he's a menace. I swear, if the US Military should clone that bird for the front lines.

Last year, there was a little brat that seemed to have her "I know everything" teenage attitude about four years too early, and kept trying to open the cage. We told her over and over, until finally, in her grating, bratty voice, she told my wife, "Look, I know how to handle birds because I have one at home." Nice attitude for a seven year old, eh?

So, my wife replies to her, "Oh, really? Tell me, what kind of bird do you have?"
"Oh, I have a Parakeet," was her reply.
To which my wife says, "Well, I have one of those too, and have bit by both. Let me tell you, there is NO comparison."

See, my wife is different than me. I don't deal well with "conversations" with a brat. I am more of a "take the direct approach" kind of guy. For me, my first thought would be that, since I am not allowed to spank someone else's child for being an argumentative smart ass, I could instead just let her go ahead and open the cage. I am sure that the message would sink in beautifully the next time she tried to do math on her fingers, and got stuck at nine.

But, luckily I have my wife to remind me that, if we did things my way, we would have probably already been sued to the point of losing all of our possessions. But, at the same time, my way has served me well for quite some time.

I guess the sad reality is that, if the parents of the world's children got off their rumps and started doing their jobs, maybe I wouldn't have to be the way I am.